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Everybody gonna die!
In case you haven't paid attention to the news lately, the National Weather Service is predicting that Tropical Storm Dolly will be picking up steam as it passes over the Gulf of Mexico, reaching hurricane status before touching down near Brownsville.
This means that if you're headed to the beach between now and Thursday, there's a good chance you're going to die. At least I think that's how it works. Either way, don't do anything stupid that may result in your death.
In case you have to ride out the storm, or you think mandatory evacuations are just an excuse to party, Channel 5 has some hurricane tips to keep you alive. Bonus: After the damage is done, you can try your hand at looting.
But remember, if there's anything we should have learned from Katrina, it's that George Bush doesn't care about black people ignoring warnings from scientists who are much smarter than you and me can lead to hilarious disastrous consequences.
NOAA National Weather Service
http://www.noaawatch.gov/2008/dolly.php
CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/weather/07/21/tropical.weather/index.html
The Weather Channel
http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/update/index.html?from=hp_news
Team 4 News
http://team4news.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=162213
News Channel 5
http://newschannel5.tv/2008/7/20/994823/
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Posted by
adminon Monday, July 21 @ 18:57:50 CDT (835 reads)
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Paula Abdul Sad = Me Happy
I've long been a fan of watching celebrities suffer, so this clip of Paula Abdul really touched my heart in a way that only some one else's emotional pain can. Basically I laughed my ass off and fell out of my chair.
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Posted by
adminon Wednesday, January 09 @ 15:30:30 CST (471 reads)
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No Redbull jokes or I will kick you in the balls
On New Years day, some guy named Robbie Maddison set a new world record for the longest motorcycle jump. He dedicated his jump to the late Evel Knievel, then for an encore, he did it again.
Evel Knievel's encores usually consisted of doctors and paramedics frantically trying to piece his shattered spinal cord back together like a bloody jigsaw puzzle. Of course, Evel Knievel was doing this stuff back when motorcycles were basically just lawn mowers with two wheels, and safety equipment was only there to kill you quickly and humanely, so I'll cut him some slack.
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Posted by
adminon Friday, January 04 @ 09:54:15 CST (480 reads)
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I feel all tingly
I've largely ignored or at least avoided the whole "Paris Hilton is going to jail" thing since drawing more attention to the world's biggest attention whore seemed counterproductive.
But when I first saw that now famous photo of Paris Hilton crying in the back seat of a police car, I have to admit I became a little emotional.
Wait, did I say emotional? I meant hysterical. Yeah, that's the word I was looking for.
Seriously, that is the funniest damn thing I've seen in years. In fact, if someone invented a television that only tuned into the "Paris Hilton Crying Network", I'd own like three of them. I'm not sure why, but watching Paris Hilton cry is like riding a magical pegasus over a glistening rainbow while strawberry scented strippers in angel wings press their supple breasts against my face. Yes my friends, it is exactly like that.
So let's recap, shall we? She got a DUI, violated her probation, went to jail, had a nervous breakdown, served three days of a forty five day sentence and then she's basically grounded. Ummm...no. That doesn't work for me.
But now she's going back to jail ...and crying...and the sun is shining again, and children are laughing, and there's that wonderful feeling again.
To be honest, I really don't care if they make an example out of her or not. They could waterboard the bitch in private, and I'd be ok with that. Just as long as she's suffering.
Some might call it sadistic. I call it a valuable learning experience.
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Posted by
adminon Friday, June 08 @ 20:58:01 CDT (218 reads)
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Sarah Silverman is mean
One must possess a rare sort of cruelty to publicly humiliate a person you don't really know in front of thousands, or potentially millions of people, all for the sake of a few cheap laughs.
Take, for example, this clip of Sarah Silverman crucifying Paris Hilton at the MTV Video Music Awards, while Paris sits quietly in the crowd and contemplates her last hours of freedom.
I love you Sarah (call me).
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Posted by
adminon Monday, June 04 @ 10:07:07 CDT (158 reads)
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Joe Francis is a jailhouse bitch
 There aren't many people in this world who enjoy watching drunk, sunburned coeds lose their bikinis on camera more than me, and Girls Gone Wild founder, Joseph Francis, has been a pioneer in this field, earning an estimated $29 million per year doing what some would call a dream job.
Nevertheless, Joe Francis is a spoiled little prick, and as I've said before, karma's a bitch.
According to the Panama City News Herald (click for full article), Joe managed to piss off U.S. District Judge Richard Smoak by failing to surrender to U.S. Marshalls as Joe had previously agreed.
Francis, 34, pleaded guilty to willfully violating U.S. District Judge Richard Smoak’s order to surrender to authorities on April 5. Francis instead flew in to Panama City on April 10 and was arrested at the airport before he could surrender at the U.S. Marshal’s office. Smoak accepted Francis’ guilty plea to a charge of criminal contempt of court and sentenced him to 35 days in jail and a $5,000 fine. Francis’ lawyer, Jan Handzlik of Los Angeles, pleaded with the judge to make the sentence 30 days, saying the additional five could mean up to a year in prison for Francis if he’s convicted of a recent charge of tax fraud out of Nevada.
Smoak maintained the sentence, saying it reflected a cascade of events beginning last year.
But wait. It gets better. TMZ.com reports that Joe's time inside has not been the vacation he may have hoped for. Apparently, jail has been downright unpleasant for poor little Joe Francis.
He is isolated in a cold cell with only a towel and a blanket to keep him warm. And the poor, poor multimillionaire's plight is being exacerbated by his jail ward-mate, Robert Bailey, who has been sentenced to die for killing a police officer. Bailey, according to Aaron Dyer, Francis' lawyer, "would sit there and yell, 'Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!"
Last week, said Dyer, Francis missed the medication cart and "went into a full-blown anxiety attack."
I think I speak for everyone when I say hahahahaha! LOLZ!! PWNED!!!
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Posted by
adminon Tuesday, April 24 @ 10:56:41 CDT (273 reads)
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Server Upgrade
Sorry for the unanounced downtime.
Technical summary: Last night we replaced our old server with a shiny new Dell and the new DNS records have not yet propogated across the Internet.
Non-technical summary: Oops.
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Posted by
adminon Wednesday, April 11 @ 10:02:24 CDT (169 reads)
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Alanis Morissette pwned Fergie
I'm not sure if it's because I have so little patience for pathetic drunks or maybe it's because she looks like the Crypt Keeper, but for whatever reason I'm not much of a Fergie fan.
Wait. Yeah, it's that second one. What is she, like 4000 years old? Does Josh Duhamel have to wrap her in linen bandages and scrape out her brain before bed each night? Pee stained hag...
Anyway, Alanis Morissette did a cover of My Humps, which I think is pretty damn funny because frankly, I dig Alanis Morissette. Laugh all you want, but complicated angry chicks are just my type.
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Posted by
adminon Monday, April 02 @ 17:11:20 CDT (283 reads)
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NEW YORK - A New York Police Department spokesman says the actor Heath Ledger has been found dead at a downtown Manhattan residence.
