:: RGV Live ::

Everybody gonna die!

In case you haven't paid attention to the news lately, the National Weather Service is predicting that Tropical Storm Dolly will be picking up steam as it passes over the Gulf of Mexico, reaching hurricane status before touching down near Brownsville.

This means that if you're headed to the beach between now and Thursday, there's a good chance you're going to die. At least I think that's how it works. Either way, don't do anything stupid that may result in your death.

In case you have to ride out the storm, or you think mandatory evacuations are just an excuse to party, Channel 5 has some hurricane tips to keep you alive. Bonus: After the damage is done, you can try your hand at looting.

But remember, if there's anything we should have learned from Katrina, it's that ~~George Bush doesn't care about black people~~ ignoring warnings from scientists who are much smarter than you and me can lead to ~~hilarious~~ disastrous consequences.

NOAA National Weather Service
http://www.noaawatch.gov/2008/dolly.php

CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/weather/07/21/tropical.weather/index.html

The Weather Channel
http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/update/index.html?from=hp_news

Team 4 News
http://team4news.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=162213

News Channel 5
http://newschannel5.tv/2008/7/20/994823/

I don't have a f*cking clue what's going on here

Somehow, the following video leaves me feeling dirty. And scared. And sad. At least there were no damn clowns in there.

Heath Ledger, Dead at 28

Dammit!

From MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22788914/

Heath Ledger found dead in NYC apartment
NEW YORK - A New York Police Department spokesman says the actor Heath Ledger has been found dead at a downtown Manhattan residence.
According to TMZ.com, Ledger, 28, was found dead in his bed in one of his residences in Soho by his housekeeper at 3:35 p.m. ET Tuesday.

The actor has a two-year-old daughter with former fiancee Michelle Williams. Ledger was set to play the Joker in the upcoming Batman film "The Dark Knight." He received an Academy Award nomination for his work in "Brokeback Mountain."

Meanwhile, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton are all still wasting my precious oxygen and polluting the gene pool. Stupid irony.

Paula Abdul Sad = Me Happy

I've long been a fan of watching celebrities suffer, so this clip of Paula Abdul really touched my heart in a way that only some one else's emotional pain can. Basically I laughed my ass off and fell out of my chair.

No Redbull jokes or I will kick you in the balls

On New Years day, some guy named Robbie Maddison set a new world record for the longest motorcycle jump. He dedicated his jump to the late Evel Knievel, then for an encore, he did it again.

Evel Knievel's encores usually consisted of doctors and paramedics frantically trying to piece his shattered spinal cord back together like a bloody jigsaw puzzle. Of course, Evel Knievel was doing this stuff back when motorcycles were basically just lawn mowers with two wheels, and safety equipment was only there to kill you quickly and humanely, so I'll cut him some slack.

Holidaze Pics Shamelessly Stolen from Energetik.org

In keeping with my theme of doing less and less until I'm basically comatose, I didn't even take a camera to Energetik.org's Holidaze party at the Cypress.

Instead of taking pictures all night, I opted to use my precious time for drinking beer and smoking cigarettes simultaneously, without the constant pressure of moving and doing stuff that didn't include beer and cigarettes. That was so much easier.

To be honest, I hadn't been to the Cypress in years so I halfway expected to get stabbed in the parking lot or at least catch a bullet in the ass on my way out, so I was ~~fucking stunned~~ pleasantly surprised to see that the entire building got a ground up makeover and looks like an upscale lounge now. It was like seeing that old chick who sells newspapers by Target win the lottery and turn into Jessica Simpson.

I also got to meet Josh (Selarom) who is neither black, nor shaped like a square, so I'm more confused than ever by his profile pic.

Anyway, big ups to Drew who has been organizing kick-ass Christmas parties since Jesus was a baby. Good job capturing all three of my chins in that photo phucker. You will pay...

Wacca Wacca Wacca

Since the only Spanish I speak is related to asking for the price of beer and tacos, and begging for my life during a kidnapping, I'll have to assume that the woman in the video is explaining the awesomeness of this Pac Man Christmas tree. I really don't know. She probably thinks it's some kind of UFO from some magical ghost planet, or maybe some Egyptian night club. Whatever.

And for those of you under 30, yes this is actually what video game graphics looked like in the '80s, so quit bitching when your frame rate drops below 60 fps.

Monster Car Wash and Something Totally Different

Friday's pre-Halloween party at Monster Car Wash was so good, I forgot to take pictures. Well, I took a few, but mostly I just hung out and talked to girls in sexy costumes. Apparently, "whore" and "slut" were popular choices this year, and I'd like to take a moment to say thank you, I am truly grateful. In fact, I think girls should wear stuff like that all the time, and not just in strip clubs. It should be a law.

I also think they should serve pie and donuts in nightclubs, so clearly I'm an idiot.

Anyway, to to make up for my slack-ass approach to photo journalism, I offer the following pranks-gone-wrong. The last one starts slowly, but the last ten seconds are pure gold.

Don't try this at home kids!

In 1976, French film director Claude Lelouch released C'était un rendez-vous, a short film about a leisurely Sunday drive through the streets of Paris.

Wait, did I say leisurely Sunday drive? I meant early morning suicide run.

Despite having won two Oscar's and the top prize at Cannes for other films, it is this eight and a half minute short that has earned him cult status among...well, mostly guys who like fast cars.

I should have spent my Summer doing this

What better way to fight the Summer heat than by jumping your mountain bike off a big f*cking ramp and into a lake?

That was rhetorical, by the way, and anybody who answers "air conditioning" is a candy ass sissy.

Also, the girl that does a faceplant into the ramp at the 1:50 mark is my hero for the day. Chicks with scars are sexy.